The less polite Batman
by Northoftheroad
Summary: Commissioner Gordon gets a visit from an unexpected Batman. Crossposted at AO3.


_Disclaimer: DC owns every character mentioned. Good for them._

"Commissioner."

"Gah! ...Damn it, Batman, I thought you were supposed to be the polite one."

"…"

"So you have picked up some of his worst traits, after all; materialising out of the shadows in my room like that. Anyway, what brings you here?"

"... Jim."

"... Batman? Oh my god, it's you!? Is it? Tell me you're not another one... I'm too old to adjust to a new Batman every year."

"It's me, Jim."

"... He never said you were coming back. I thought…"

"I know. I had my doubts, myself."

"God, it's good to see you! I've missed you… Where have you been?"

"... You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Far away will cover the essential."

"... Right. How have you been?"

"Busy…"

"I can see you are your old, talkative and cheerful self, anyway. I will have to retrain my small talk to fill out awkward silences…"

"…"

"Well, as I was saying... What brings you here?"

"... Seeing you."

"You want to inform me of a crime that was committed five minutes ago and that I haven't heard of yet? Do you need to get into Blackgate to interrogate someone? Discuss a way to improve the security of Arkham; we haven't had a breakout in almost three weeks, you know."

"No. I'm just here to say hello."

"... Of course you are... Either you're a half convincing imposter, or you've changed…"

"... I did learn some new things about myself, during my absence."

"I guess knocking on the window before entering aren't among the things you've learned…?"

"…Hh."

"You obviously didn't pick up a new sense of humour, anyway."

"…"

"Where's the kid?"

"He hasn't been a kid in a long time, Jim."

"He'll always be a kid to me, Batman. The fate of growing up and working with people who knew you when you actually were a child. Don't try to tell me that you never think of your former Robins as kids, regardless of their age…"

"…"

"It was really weird, seeing him in your place. It felt like it was just a few years ago when he was doing somersaults while we were talking on the roof... and there he was, with the cowl and cape and somehow towering over everyone, even though I know he's not as tall and big as you... That's when you realise how old you've become, when the kids are all grown up and don't really need you any more."

"... Hnh."

"I've missed you, but it was kind of nice when your junior partner let me see him come and leave, once in a while, you know. What's he up to now?"

"You'll see him again. Though not for a while."

"…?"

"He's on bed rest."

"Hm. That bad?"

"Bad enough. He'll be back."

"Bad enough - that's one way of putting it. Not the first time one of your Robins have ended up in bed rest, either. God, you almost gave me a heart attack when you first turned up with him. I would have locked you up if I thought I could have managed it."

"I... sympathise."

"What the hell were you thinking? I've never understood how that brain of yours works. You can stare down Two-Face and the Joker and an entire city council, but you let a small kid get his way…?"

"You're a father. You should know it's not easy to get kids to do what's best for them. Or to keep track of what they're up to…"

"That's what being an adult and a parent is all about, Batman. Keeping your kids safe. But you keep finding new kids to throw to the wolves…"

"It's not all about that Batman needs a Robin. It's about what Robin needs to handle his – their – pain and anger…"

"You never thought about, oh, I don't know, therapy...? If they have issues they need to work through?"

"... You would find that stopping the first Robin from going out was like trying to stop water from flowing. If one way is blocked, it will find another... And once the idea of Robin was born there was no going back. There was always a new one who needed guidance and refused to back down."

"See, they knew you could be convinced to let them out, because you'd done it before. That's why you need to be firm from the start."

"Sometimes I think we created a two-headed monster that will go on forever... Batman and Robin…"

"The latest is a story to himself, though. All arrogance and no respect for anything or anyone when he first turned up. And he took the violence to a whole new level. Did you know he took a crowbar to the Joker, while he was in a prison cell?"

"Hh."

"Of course, the way the Joker saw it, he had manipulated Robin to bring his own crowbar before he paralysed the kid and got away with him…"

"…"

"Things were a bit intense for a while so I never quite grasped the finer details of what happened between them after that… The Joker is back behind bars, though, but I expect you know about that part."

"Mh."

"Did junior pick him out by himself, while you were gone?"

"... I know all about where the current Robin comes from…"

"I don't mind telling you, I had my doubts for a while."

"... Yes."

"But it turned out all right, I guess. As right as a preteen fighting dangerous criminals can ever be, that is."

"…"

"... Will junior go back to Nightwing?"

"We'll see."

"... He did good, you know. You gave him pretty big black boots to fill, but he did good."

"I know. He'll continue to do good."

"But I'm damned glad to have you back. I just wish you could humour an elderly man and rustle the curtains on your way in…"


End file.
